MOUSTIC : I Got Married at 21 and I Have No Regrets

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My husband and I got married when we were in college. I was 21 years old and just getting ready to go to graduate school. We had no money and were “starving students” together. And you know what? We loved it. We made plans together and decided which path to take in life together.

This is a far cry from how things are progressing for couples today. People are getting married later, and for a while it looked like maybe young adults weren’t even interested in marriage anymore. But a new study has debunked that idea. Instead, it shows that young adults are putting off marriage because it is important to them … they want to get it right.

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__A Journal of Psychology study noted:__
//“Perhaps it is the very centrality of marriage for many young adults that encourages them to seek more education and career opportunities prior to committing to a marriage, allowing them to establish what they deem to be a critical financial foundation for a successful marriage. From this perspective, young adults are not delaying marriage due to disinterest toward or an abandonment of marriage, but because they desire to put themselves in the best position to develop a healthy marital relationship.”//

Young adults are getting their ducks in a row, so to speak, before they embark on marriage and raising kids. Rather than getting married earlier in life, they’re waiting until they’re more stable in their job and secure in their finances. The lead author of the study, Brian Willoughby, explains: “Instead of marriage being thought of as the foundation on which you build a life with someone, it’s now a sort of capstone. They see it in terms of, ‘If you get through college and you have careers, getting married is how you reward yourself.’”

I understand the desire for young people to have their job squared away and their car paid off before they tie the knot, but I don’t think it’s necessary. My husband and I did the complete opposite and it worked for us just fine. The only thing we were sure of was each other, and we decided to figure the rest out as we went along. I think we’re still happily married — 21 years later — because we were more malleable at ages 21 and 22 than we would have been later in life. We adapted easily to being married. It was still early that neither of us had a swinging single life to give up, and since we had hardly anything in the bank, it made it easier later in life to go through financial ups and downs. Our marriage was never predicated on having enough money.

Unlike participants in the study, I never thought of my husband as the final piece of my life or a “reward” for making it through college. He was an essential first step in how the rest of my life would unfold. I like that we’ve grown up together and accomplished things together. He’s smart, brings out the best in me, and we have fun together whether we’re poor or rich (we’ve had our fair share of both).

I don’t think a spouse should be the final piece of your perfectly-coming-together life. I think a good mate will shape you and help you turn into the best version of you, whether you meet that person at age 21 or 60. Whatever age you find him at, I wouldn’t pass on a good opportunity to get married because you haven’t “made it” financially yet. Finances needn’t come before everything else. If you find a good match who shares your goals, brings out the best in you, and loves you through sickness and health, put a ring on it — even if a 1/4-carat diamond is all you can afford. (That small diamond worked for me just fine …)

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